


Heh. Maybe not today.

by orphan_account



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, He just forgets he doesn’t need to be on edge all the time, Panic Attacks, Papyrus isn’t a huge dick, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt, UF!Sans just really needs a hug, Underfell, Underfell Papyrus (Undertale), Underfell Sans (Undertale), not fontcest, this is a shameless vent fic and sans is my comfort character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 17:57:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17027376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Underfell AUSans is having a bad day. Really bad. Convinced he’s worth nothing to no one, especially not his brother, and it would be better for everyone if his pathetic 1HP ass was gone, he’s liable to start listening to the voice that tells him to end it.NOTE: This contains graphic descriptions of self harm and a suicide attempt. Please only read this if you feel that you can.





	Heh. Maybe not today.

**Author's Note:**

> like i said in the tags, this is just a shameless vent fic and sans is my comfort character. i have him a somewhat happy ending because i cant stand angst without a happy ending, even if i dont have that happy ending myself haha
> 
> Some notes tho:  
> \- i think the skeletons CAN bleed, just not with blood. i think the marrow in their bones is basically the skeleton monster equivalent of blood.  
> \- im fairly certain sans is left handed (since he uses his left hand to fight and his eye is the left one) and as a left handed person i like to portray sans as a leftie c:  
> \- UF Papyrus DOES still care about his brother. he’s just really fucking bad at showing it and relaxing past his GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS facade  
> \- sans gives good advice but he’s dumb and doesn’t follow his own advice and constantly makes bad decisions
> 
> thanks for reading!

Sans sighed and slumped against the counter of his sentry station, scratching at his right ulna and radius harder through the thick material of his coat. It was a bad day. He was miserable, frustrated, lonely, and to top it off he was forced to sit in the cold all day waiting for a human that almost certainly wouldn’t come. They never do.

 

His arm burned. The scars ached in the cold and his coat irritated the healing wounds. He growled at himself in anger. He didn’t know why he felt to angry. He was just so fucking mad at everyone and everything and he was so fucking mad at himself.

 

He was lazy and useless. Worthless, Papyrus liked to call him. All he ever did was reflect badly on his brother, he embarrassed his brother. All he was good for was being a punching bag for Papyrus to take his anger out on.

 

It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. He didn’t matter to anyone. Anyone could dust him if they wanted to. He was just a worthless, pathetic 1HP monster. The only reason they hadn’t was because of his brother. Everyone was scared of what would happen to them when _The_ _Great_ _and_ _Terrible_ Papyrus found out they took away his little pet.

 

That’s what he was. Just a pet. A creature his brother owned. The collar around his neck reminded him of that every day, hanging heavily, waiting to be tugged and used by his brother to choke him with when he fucked up. Again.

 

Sans wheezed softly, trying to hold back a sob as he reached up to faintly press his fingertips to his sore and bruised vertebrae, the collar hanging there feeling like it burned his bones. He felt tears start to sting at the corners of his eye sockets and he growled at himself, furiously wiping at them with his sleeves.

 

_what the fuck are ya fuckin’ cryin’ for ya fuckin’ IDIOT. don’t fucking cry. what are ya, a stupid fuckin’ baby or somethin’?_ He thought to himself angrily, red tears starting to drip onto the counter despite his efforts. He laughed hysterically to himself. _oh man, boss would beat my ass if he saw me like this, cryin’ like a bitch._

 

His laughing slowed until it turned into broken sobs and hoarse wails. He didn’t care any more. He was alone out here anyway with only the trees to hear him. He felt his thoughts consuming him but he didn’t care, he let it happen.

 

_**No one really cares about you.** _

 

_i know._

 

 

 

_**Papyrus never really loved you. All those things he used to say? Lies.** _

 

_you’re right._

 

 

 

_**The bunnies never cared for you. You just used them for sex. Don’t kid yourself.** _

 

_yeah..._

 

 

 

_**Why do you still have that one small bit of hope? Everyone leaves you eventually. They all realise how hopelessly pathetic you are.** _

 

_fuck._

 

 

 

_**Papyrus will get bored of you soon. He’ll toss you aside. Or he’ll just dust you himself out of pity.** _

 

_d-don’t say that...._

 

 

 

_**You should do it.** _

 

_what?_

 

 

 

_**Do it yourself. Save someone else the trouble of doing it. You should just dust yourself. Everyone would be much better off.** _

 

_...maybe you’re right._

 

Sans laughed weakly, looking down at his trembling, scarred hands. He really could just do it, huh. Just end his miserable excuse for an existence right here and now. Leave his pile of worthless dust in the snow for his brother to find and be disappointed in.

 

He shakily snapped his fingers and held a sharpened red bone. He just stared at it in silence for a long while, having stopped crying a good ten or so minutes ago. He had no tears left, he was numb, though his body still visibly trembled.

 

He exhaled softly, slowly lifting the bone to his neck. He felt his soul freeze and scream at him to stop as he pressed the sharpened tip against the vertebrae, his left hand shaking so violently he managed to cut the bone in the process. Feeling drops of marrow trickle down over his clavicle and soak into his shirt, he leaned forward propping his right elbow on the counter and held his skull in his hand, panting softly from adrenaline, still holding the bone in place at his neck. His soul pounded against his ribs, begging him to stop and calm down. He wasn’t listening.

 

“SANS! YOU HAD BETTER BE AWAKE OR SO HELP ME I WILL END YOUR MISERABLE EXISTENCE!” Papyrus’ booming voice in the distance caused Sans to flinch in surprise and press the bone in his vertebra harder than he intended.

 

He winced as marrow oozed slowly from the small incision, dropping the bone at his feet. He pressed his hand over the wound and gasped in pain, feeling his soul crack as his HP dropped just below his pathetic 1. Sans groaned softly and quickly tried to position himself at his post so he could cover the wound whilst looking casual.

 

“o-oh, hey boss.” He cursed himself for stuttering and his voice sounding strained. He quickly put on a smirk and wiggled his fingers as a half assed wave as Papyrus appeared around the corner.

 

“Ah, you’re actually awake for once.” Papyrus sneered. Sans laughed awkwardly, trying to mask his exhaustion and anxiety as he felt the warm marrow against his bone.

 

“heh. ya really think that little of me?” That came out more defensive than Sans intended. He looked up at his intimidating brother with dim and flickering eye lights, which didn’t go unnoticed.

 

Papyrus silently looked over the small skeleton, noting the dark marks and lines under his eye sockets appeared to have worsened since the morning. He squinted slightly as he focused on his older brother’s eye lights that kept flickering and looking hazy as though it was hard to focus. The taller’s eyes were then drawn to the little spots of dried marrow under his jaw. He didn’t ask, Sans didn’t tell. Sans looked pathetic, and instead of being furious with him, Papyrus felt...guilt. He felt guilty and his soul felt heavy in his rib cage. He had no idea Sans’ mental state had gotten so bad and he couldn’t help but feel like it was mostly his fault.

 

“...No. I don’t think that lowly of you.” He answered slowly, watching Sans’ face carefully to gauge his reaction. It barely changed, but Papyrus swore he saw...confusion?...on his brother’s face before it went back to his usual smirk and shrugged.

 

“well, that makes a difference. whadda ya want anyway? as you can see im clearly very busy watchin’ for the non existent human that’s comin’ this way.” Sans flinched slightly as Papyrus scowled at him in response. Though he didn’t yell at him for being rude, which was...weird.

 

“Just recalibrate your puzzles. Meet me at the end of your shift so that we may return home together.” Papyrus turned quickly and walked away, leaving Sans staring after him and feeling very confused. His tone was sharp and commanding, but there was a softness underneath which Sans hadn’t heard since his brother was still a babybones, before the cold, cruel reality of life sunk it’s claws into him.

 

_**I told you. He pities you.** _

_shut up. i’m not in the mood._

 

Sans sat up, his spine creaking softly with the effort, and pulled his hand away from his neck to examine it. He tutted at the red marrow that now coated his palm and wiped it on his shorts, then reaching under his counter for the gauze and bandages he kept there for his episodes. He swore at himself as he wrapped the bandages around his vertebrae and pulled his turtleneck up to cover them, hoping Papyrus wouldn’t notice.

 

His soul shuddered and he suddenly felt another stabbing pain his chest, reminding him of his currently 0.8HP. He laughed bitterly to himself. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about a fight is Papyrus wanted to drag him home himself. Sans found it weird his brother was going to walk him home, though. They hadn’t gone home, or anywhere really, together for years.

 

He wasn’t okay, and the interaction with his brother just made him feel confused and frustrated. He quickly reached down and picked up the sharpened bone, gripping it hard enough to make his finger joints ache. He felt himself begin to hyperventilate as his anxiety started to consume him again.

 

Breathing hard, Sans yanked his right sleeve up and fumbled trying to quickly unravel the bandages wrapped around the length of his ulna and radius, revealing the dark and red marks of poorly healed and still healing self inflicted wounds. He wheezed loudly, his rib cage heaving as he struggled to get enough air. Trembling, his raised the sharp bone and slashed over his arm, uncaring about cutting over previous wounds. It didn’t help, he still couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t get enough air, his ribs hurt, it hurt so bad.

 

Sans mindlessly slashed over his bones four more times before his breathing calmed and he stopped shaking. He sat completely still and in silence except for the sound of his soul pounding in pain, the cracks worsening slightly. He shivered and took a shaky breath, his HP depleting another tiny bit. He stared at the bright red marrow now covering his bones and dripping into the snow at his feet, creating a small red pool. He was numb. He stared at the mess he had made. He hadn’t really intended to cut that deeply into his bone, that was going to take a while to heal on its own. He couldn’t exactly ask anyone to heal it for him, especially not Papyrus, and he himself wasn’t particularly skilled with healing magic. So he would just deal with it by himself, like he always did.

 

Calming down, Sans took a shaky breath and began wrapping his arm, having to use several layers to stop the marrow seeping through. He winced as he pulled his sleeve down and laughed bitterly to himself. He wasn’t okay, he didn’t know if he ever would be again, but he didn’t feel as hopeless as he had when he had woken up, and he found that reason enough to postpone ending his miserable existence for now.

 

_**He doesn’t care about you. Remember that.** _

_shut the fuck up._

 

_did something happen? does ‘e really just pity me or is it somethin’ else?_ Sans exhaled slowly and pushed himself up, he wobbled on his feet, seeing stars as he felt light headed. He gripped the counter tightly to steady himself and pressed a hand to his face, calming himself before leaning to crack his spine and standing up straight.

 

Shoving his hands into his pockets and plastering his usual smirk on his face, he let out a soft chuckle, stomping through the snow. _heh. guess we’ll find out._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! Please leave a comment, it really makes my day and encourages me to keep writing ^v^


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